Win the Shot, Call the Spot
by TwistingVisions
Summary: Let's all get together and stick our favorite enigma in ANY situation you want, with ANYONE you want, and see what happens from there. I shall take your requests. You name the situation and the guy he's with, and I'll stick our dear Jeffro in there and write an bunch of awesome one shots. Ready, set, GO. First up is some Junk for the soul.


_**Win the Shot, Call the Spot**_

***points to Jeff muse* It's his fault. Seriously. He wouldn't stop bugging me.**

**Alright guys and gals, leave your suggestions in the reviews and I'll get this story rolling. First up, a little bit of interesting Junk fluff to start things off.**

**Warnings : Language, Jeff's dirty mind.**

**Chapter rating : T**

**Disclaimer : I own nothing except the idea. Not even the title is mine. Wow. **

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Jeffrey Nero Hardy groaned and flailed his arms as he glared at his reflection in the mirror. He had woken up three hours ago in the house that he and his boyfriend now shared. When he made his way to the bathroom when he noticed his partner wasn't there, he had seen them. His emerald eyes had bugged out of their sockets, and since then he had tried to figure out if there was anything wrong with the piece of glass on the wall or if this was some type of sick joke someone was playing on him. When he had found nothing wrong and dared to run a hand through his newly dyed black/blond/red hair, he felt them. They were there, and he definitely couldn't deny that they were real.

And, that was where he was now. Flailing his arms and desperately trying to think of an explanation. He was lucky that his boyfriend had been up and was out when Jeff woke up. This was completely embarrassing. He decided that he wouldn't even leave the bathroom. He would stay in his and Phil's room all day if he had to, until he could figure out how to take care of his... Little problem.

_Okay, more like a huge problem, _he thought to himself. The rainbow haired man whined childishly before plopping down to sit cross legged on the floor. He was determined to stay in the bathroom as long as necessary. He wanted his problem to just disappear already. He'd waited for three freaking hours already, and he was definitely _not_ a patient guy.

Jeff sighed and dug his phone out of his pants pocket, wanting to maybe rule one possibility out. He went through his contacts until he found the number he wanted. He pressed it and brought the phone to his ear, waiting for the recipient of the call to answer.

"Hello..?" came the sleepy voice.

"Shannon! What did you do to me?!"

There was a long pause before Jeff heard his best friend yawn. It was almost noon, but that was still early for the Prince of Punk. "What in the hell are you talking about, Jeffro..?"

"I'm talking about the prank you apparently pulled on me last night! It's not funny! It's been like three almost four hours, Shanny! And they're not going away!" Jeff whined desperately.

"I seriously have no fucking idea what you're talking about. What's wrong with you? Are you sleep calling again?"

"What..? No! This is serious, man! I'm in some real deep shit! There's no way I can hide these things!"

"What the fuck are you talking about Jeff?!"

Jeff could tell that his best friend really did sound clueless. Maybe Shannon didn't do this. _But there's __no other explanation... What the hell is going on if he's not behind it?_

"I'll talk to you later." And with that, the Rainbow Haired Warrior abruptly shut his phone and shoved it back in the pocket of his pants.

He really needed to think of something to do before Phil got home. He couldn't go to Matt, because his older brother wouldn't let him hear the end of it if he did that, and he wasn't in the mood to deal with that big bossy pants anyway. He obviously couldn't go to Shannon, because his supposed 'best friend' would snap photos and most likely sell them to the highest bitter, which would most likely consist of the ravenous fans of the Charismatic Enigma.

Jeff whined and began chewing on a strand of his black chuck of hair. Today was supposed to be the start of a two week vacation, something he and Phil didn't get often, and now it was ruined.

_Yeah, some damn vacation. Wake up on the first day to find out that I have..._

"Jeffro! You up yet?"

Said Hardy froze and focused his attention on the bathroom door. He quickly crawled over to it and locked it, making sure his boyfriend couldn't get in, then crawled back to lean against the side of the tub, bringing his knees to his chest, hugging them tightly.

_Damn it, Phil's home... Oh shit. What if he sees me? What if he thinks I'm a freak and leaves? Oh fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck..._

"Jeff..! Please tell me you're not faking your own murder again! You know how upset I got the last time!"

As Jeff heard footsteps coming up the stairs, he almost giggled at the memory. He had indeed played possum on his dear Philly. He didn't know why his boyfriend had gotten so mad. It was for Halloween, after all. Although, maybe he shouldn't have taken those special pills that slowed down the heart rate until it was almost non existent only to make the prank seem more realistic. _That _probably would've went over better. Jeff had woken up after about an hour, only to find Phil in hysterics. He'd felt terrible for doing that to his baby, but he couldn't help but let a few giggles go as he tried to console the poor man for the rest of that day.

Knock knock. "Jeff? You in there?"

_Okay, now it's really time to panic. _"Y-Yeah, I'm in here."

Pause. "Are you okay? I don't hear anything going on from in there."

Usually, Jeff would at least be shaving or washing the sink from his shaving at this time.

"I-I'm fine in here, baby. Just... Uh... I think I might stay in here for a while.."

He heard Phil whine from outside the door. "Without me? Now that's just cruel, sweetie."

Jeff let out a small snicker but quickly got a hold of himself. He uncurled himself and lifted his body up to sit on the edge of the tub, still facing the bathroom door. "Philly, you know I love you, and I wish I could allow you to come in here... But I had a little... Accident, and I'm... Cleaning it up."

"Accident? What kind of accident? Are you okay? Is there blood? I swear, if you're trying to be all fucking macho again, I'm gunna come in there and kill you myself, mister."

The Charismatic Enigma just smiled widely at the halfhearted threat Phil had just issued. He was always getting into danger and worrying his straightedge boyfriend so much. He really didn't know why the amazing likes of Phillip Jack Brooks put up with him and his antics, but he would always be thankful that he had such a beautiful man in his life, and he never wanted to lose him. Ever.

He must have been thinking for a few good minutes because he was dragged out of his thoughts by a loud pounding on the door. "Jeffrey Nero Hardy, if you don't open this door in the next minute, I will bust it down my damn self."

The rainbow haired man smirked and rolled his eyes. "You really must want me. But that's to be expected. After all, I _am _irresistible."

A loud snort could be heard. "First of all, mister 'sudden burst of self confidence', I just got back from jogging, and I reek. I need a shower, and I need it now. Second of all, you still haven't explained what type of 'accident' happened in there. Is anything broken?"

"Uh, nothing's broken, per say.." Jeff bit his knuckled, trying to think of a way out of this. "Every inanimate object in the room is still in tact..."

"Did something happen to you then? Are you okay?"

"I'm okay, per say..."

"Jeffro, you're scaring me. This had better NOT be another stupid joke, and if you just so happen to say 'per say' one more time, my ass is off limits for three whole days."

"That's not fair, Philly. This is serious," Jeff whine loudly, huffing and crossing his arms over his chest.

"Then let me in there if it's so serious, you horny bastard."

Jeff sat silently for a minute and pouted, hoping his boyfriend wasn't serious about that. Now he was really confused on what he should do. He could either go out there, get laughed at, and possibly be left for being a freak, or he could sit in here and not have sex for god knows how long. This was an extremely infuriating decision that would soon be added to the young Hardy's already fucked up history of decision making. Why could things never be simple for him? Why did he always have to be so damn horny?

There was shuffling outside and then a thump against the wooden door. Phil must have leaned his forehead against the door. "Jeffrey, you're actually really scaring me. I won't be mad or anything, I just wanna know if you're okay. Please open the door..?"

Well, _that_ certainly made up his mind for him, although he quickly reached for a towel and wrapped it around his head and face. He slowly opened the door and was met with concerned olive eyes and the glistening body of his boyfriend, who was shirtless and in running shorts. If he wasn't in such a predicament, he would've taken Phil right then and there.

_Dammit, I'm gunna have to take him to buy new shorts. They hang down way too low on his hips. He'll get eye fucked by everyone and their mother. _You're eye fucking him right now, you moron. _Shut up, sane voice in my head. I can't help that Philly has a fuckable body. I mean seriously, do you see those dimples on his hips? That tight stomach, those tattoos. Did I mention his ass yet? _

"I swear to god Jeff, if you don't stop eye raping me, I'll extend the 'Jeff ain't gettin' my ass' sentence." Phil crossed his arms over his tattooed chest and stuck out his bottom pierced lip, looking up at Jeff.

Said rainbow haired man let out a nervous giggle, which was muffled by the towel that was still wrapped around his head. "I'm sorry babe. It's not my fault you appeal to everything around you. Plus you're so colorful."

"Look who's talking, Rainbow Brite," Phil snorted.

Jeff rolled his eyes and narrowed them at his boyfriend. "I was talking about your tattoos, Philly. They're so pretty..."

As he reached out a hand to touch the intricate designs on that smooth skin, Phil slapped his hand away. "Nuh uh, mister. What did I just get done saying? You get nothing until you show me what the problem is." He eyed the towel suspiciously and narrowed his olive eyes, noticing that Jeff's eyes looked extremely... different. "Are you wearing contacts..?"

Blinking, Jeff rushed back over to the bathroom mirror to glance at his reflection. He mustn't have gotten a closer look before, but now he noticed. "Dammit," he muttered.

"You wanna tell me what the hell's going on now, Mister Hardy?"

Jeff reluctantly turned around and faced Phil, confusion and defeat on his brow. "Just promise me something."

The tattooed man narrowed his eyes suspiciously before nodding.

"Promise that you won't laugh or leave..?"

"The only way I'd leave you is if you were dead, and maybe not even then," Phil said with a roll of his eyes. "And you know I laugh at you anyways, you big goof, so just take the damn towel off already."

"And don't tell Matty or anybody else..!"

"Okay, I promise! Jesus, just take it off!"

Jeff inhaled deeply before reluctantly unwrapping the towel from his head and letting it drop to the floor. He clenched his eyes shut, waiting for the cackling to begin. When it didn't come, he slowly peaked through his lashes to see how his baby was reacting.

Phil had an amused look on his face and a fascinated fire in his eyes as he shook his head. There was a small smirk on the edge of those lovely pierced lips. It wasn't a hypocritical or a smug smirk, but one full of amazement and part relief.

"Really Jeff? _That's _what you were so worried about me seeing?"

Okay, now that was weird. Jeff was sure that Phil would freak out, at least a little bit. So, to validate his point, he tried to pull the obstructions off his head, and winced, showing Phil that they were indeed attached and as real as could be.

To his surprise, his love only chuckled again. "Jeffrey, I have seen you plan and act out some of the craziest shit. I would say that this takes the cake, but I'm too used to you by now to be surprised by anything. Especially something as trivial as you... acquiring some adorable little cat features."

Jeff just blinked and stared at Phil in awe and shock. Yes, it was true, ladies and gents. The infamous Jeffrey Nero Hardy woke up just hours ago adorned with rainbow colored cat ears that matched his hair that he had dyed yesterday, whiskers, cat-like eyes, and a rainbow tail, which he quickly pulled out from under his shirt.

"Philly, why are you not freaking out? Do you know what'll happen if people see me with these... Things on?"

"I'm actually surprised that you're the one freaking out." Phil reached up and ruffled Jeff's hair, being careful to avoid the ears. "I thought you would love the strange and unusual aspects of this, and absolutely soak up the attention."

_...Can he always read me like a book or does he have some weird telepathic powers?_ "Th-These just... Startled me is all..." He sighed and grabbed Phil's hand, dragging his love back into the bedroom where he plopped them both down onto the bed, a pout on his lips. "Wouldn't you spazz at first if you woke up one morning and suddenly had cat parts on your body?"

Phil just shrugged and grabbed Jeff's tail gently, playing with it and petting it. He grinned and bit his bottom lip when he heard soft mewling noised escaping Jeff's lips because of the contact. "Actually, I think these new features are... Adorable and kinky..."

_Okay, I really did NOT see that one coming._

Phil giggled softly as he leaned forward to peck his startled boyfriend's lips. "Of course you didn't, silly. I never bothered to tell you about my little fantasies."

"Will you stop reading my mind?" Jeff covered his face with his hands, attempting to shield his mind from his nosy love. "What are you, a fucking mutant?" He blinked and uncovered his face, a gleam in his eyes. He leaned forward and was up in Phil's face, a large smile on his lips. "Are you an X-Man? Oh my god, that'd be so amazing! Are you a telepath?"

Phil didn't even know how to respond to that. He loved Jeff and Jeff's quirkiness with all his heart, but still to this day, he still managed to be stunned into silence when trying to understand the thought process of his enigma.

So, he just came right out and said it as he reached up and pet Jeff behind his colorful ears. "You confuse the hell outta me, Jeffy. What even goes through that mind of yours on a daily basis?"

Jeff leaned into the hand that was petting him and closed his eyes in pleasure, soft purrs coming from his throat. "You wouldn't wanna know, angel, believe me."

"I'd really like a peek..."

That made him open his eyes again, emerald meeting olive. Jeff wiggled his eyebrows and swayed his tail, bringing up a hand to push on his lover's chest lightly, causing the younger man to lay on his back on the bed.

"Does this mean I get your ass now?"

Phil snorted and rolled his eyes and looked up at Jeff. "_After_ I shower, cat boy."

Jeff pursed his lips in a pout. His ears folded down on his head and his tail drooped. "Can I at least come in with you? Pleaseeeeeee?"

"Alright, fine... But I wanna get clean _first_, got it?"

After an eager nod from Jeff, Phil couldn't help but smile before leaning up to kiss his cat boy. He'd never had sex with an animal before, and he partly hoped that Jeff's newly acquired features came with animal instincts. This would be the best shower of his life.

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**Alrighty peepe, I hope you enjoyed my first attempt at doing this. Make sure to leave your suggestions in form of reviews and I'll pick one for the next chapter! I promise I'll get around to updating_Along Came an Enigma_soon. I hope I don't disappoint~.  
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